you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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