apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
