Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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