Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
