we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
