I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
