thus making me awesome and them whores
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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