And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize