I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
