I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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