how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
