Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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