Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize