I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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