Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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