Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
