Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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