Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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