if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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