just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
