Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
