From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize