I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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