Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
