I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
These tits shall not be calmed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
