so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
