i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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