I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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