i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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