That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
