Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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