I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
