just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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