Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
