Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
