she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
