1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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