i may or may not be watching the land before time
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
