I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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