I am midnight drunk by noon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
