I looked at my own cervix.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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