I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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