I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
