Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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