when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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