I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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