textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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