is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
