GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
