i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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