I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
