I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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