Come see our sink grown plant.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
