I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
