i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
