Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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