I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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