he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
