note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
