I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
