I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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