I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
