wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
