I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
